As a pediatrician with a background in mindfulness, one of the things I’m most interested in is exploring how we can live more fully and feel more connected as parents even when we’re short on time.
Parents are often told that they can do this just by “slowing down and being more present.” While this advice sounds great and all, it often elicits eye rolls from parents for three reasons.
1. No one really explains how to do this.
2. It can feel like an extra chore on an already full to-do list.
3. It can seem like a goal that’s too lofty, vague, and unattainable, at a time when parents are just trying to get through the day.
Because of these reasons, I have personally moved away from this language, and replaced it with the idea of “doing things with reverence.” Focusing on “doing things with reverence” will get you to the same, centered and content place that trying to “be present” will but, hopefully, in a slightly different, easier, and more meaningful way.
So what does “doing things with reverence” even mean? Get Wise(r) about this practice below…
The goal with this practice is to do one thing “with reverence” each day. Doing something with reverence means doing it in a loving, thoughtful, kind, and intentional way. For example, say you’re zipping up your child’s coat. As parents, we’re usually doing things like this in a rushed, distracted, and maybe even slightly aggravated way, as we try to get out the door.
But what happens if you zip up your child’s coat “with reverence?” This means zipping up the coat with love and appreciation for the sacredness of the moment. In this case, you can look in your child’s eyes, smile at them, and use all of your senses as you zip up the coat (for example, hear the zipper and feel the texture of the material). Then you can move on. This will create a mini-moment of connection between you and your little one as you go about your day.
How Is This Different From Just “Slowing Down” and “Being Present”:
What I like about the “doing things with reverence” approach is that it focuses more on the attitude that I bring to my actions, rather than on the pace at which I do them. Trying to go at a “slower pace” doesn’t always make me feel more mindful. Sometimes it actually does the opposite and makes me feel more stressed out, because now I’m just doing the same thing, in the same way, but slower.
But doing things with reverence doesn’t necessarily mean doing them more slowly (although it can, at times). It means doing them with love, gentleness, and intention – if only for a small moment each day.
Of course, you can “do things with reverence” multiple times a day, but I would keep it simple and just aim for once a day (especially to start). We want things to feel easy and achievable.
So, the next time you make dinner, brush your teeth, or hug your child, consider doing it with reverence (just for a moment or two) and see what happens.
“Drink your tea slowly and reverently,
as if it is the axis on which the earth revolves –
slowly, evenly, without rushing toward the future.”
~Thich Nhat Hanh
