When you become a parent, your life changes forever. The parenting journey can be an exhilarating, wild, and beautiful ride, but it can also leave parents wondering who they are and what happened to the person they used to be.
Parenting will stretch you and hold a mirror up to your strengths and weaknesses. People who thought they were calm and patient before, may wonder why they get triggered every time their toddler has a tantrum in public. Some parents may have seen themselves as “fun-loving” and “carefree” in the past, but now they can’t stay up past 9 p.m. and they can’t seem to stop worrying about “everything,” from the stain on the carpet to the state of the world. This is all common and normal.
Your identity as a person and as a parent will evolve and is never fixed in stone. But how do you connect with this evolving “authentic” self when you barely have time to take a shower? How do you prevent yourself from waking up one day and having an existential crisis about who you are, how you got there, and who your partner is, too.
Below is a tip for how to stay connected to your authentic self, so that you can live and operate from a place of truth and contentment.
In this case, the practice is just to begin to notice each day what brings you “into alignment.” This means paying attention to the things that make your heart sing and that give you a warm, energized, and grounded feeling. You have probably felt this type of feeling before, in which your mind, body, and soul all seem to be in agreement.
The things that bring you “into alignment” can be big (like the idea of making a career switch or moving homes) or small (like a fancy cup of coffee, snuggling with your little one on the sofa, or taking your dog on a walk). Notice them all!
And, as you notice them, write them down. (You can also write down the things that make you feel “out of alignment”). This shouldn’t take long. You can jot them down in the notes section of your phone, so you have a running list that you can go back to as a reminder.
When you start to listen to and honor the still, steady voice inside of you, it will grow stronger. Follow that voice and you will naturally start living more authentically and will gain a better understanding of your growing identity.
“Authenticity is the alignment of head,
mouth, heart, and feet –
thinking, saying, feeling, and doing
the same thing – consistently.
~Lance Secretan
